Clarity in Grief
by AngstRiddenTeenager
Summary: Stand alone story. Warning: Character Death. As those whom loved her come to mourn, two people make a startling discovery about their relationsip while an angel watches overhead. Bad summary, please give it a chance.
1. Pt 1

A/N: First off, I do not hate the character of Emily or the actress whom plays her. I am just upset with her current storyline of a weak cancer story and love-triangle thing. Secondly, I am in desperate need of LIASON after witnessing such absurdities as the Skipper/Jason wedding and him allowing Skipper to even touch little Morgan Corinthos. And this LiRic stuff, how they are ever going to make Liz forgive everything Rick has done unless making her brain-damaged is beyond me. Anyway, this is a little darker then I tend to write but I thought a few might get a laugh out of it. Hope you enjoy! Reviews always appreciated..  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
(A few months from now . . . bkrd, a lot the same, any changes are obvious and/or you'll be made aware of.)  
  
The family had wanted a small ceremony because they were not up to hearing again and again how sorry random people were about their loss. The entire family, despite their constant fighting, were together for once and all silent. It is hard to say what each member of the family had running through their minds, but for sure it was memories of her and a deep sense of guilt that they had at her last moments been fighting.  
  
In the first pew on the left side of the isle were Monica and Alan. She had he face buried in his chest, and he held her rubbing circles on her back as he tried to stop his own tears. No one would think less of him if he did cry but he knew that Monica needed his strength.  
  
Beside them was AJ, sitting alone, looking at the coffin. His expression was blank, one often associated with his brother, and his eyes were red. Concealed in his coat pocket was his flask. He saw no real point to conceal it but he did it out of habit. If he was drunk then he did not have to feel anything, so no one judged him for turning back towards his old habit.  
  
In the first pew to the left of the isle were Skye and Ned, huddled together. Their hands were clasped as she leaned against him. Ned's eyes were blank; his emotions had been frozen since he heard the news. Of course he had not wanted to believe it, but at once he saw the body and knew he had been silent. Skye, whom was suppose to have no heart at all, was tearful but silent. She gave the impression she wasn't bothered but her eyes spoke volumes of guilt and regret.  
  
Dillon sat on the other side of his brother, stolid but restless. He did not know how to feel, having hardly known Emily. But he pictured in his mind the girl he had known so briefly and felt cheated that he had not been able to know her before she passed. Up until this morning he had not known if he was even going to come. He had just wanted to run away from the whole situation, with Georgie by his side, and forget. But he felt obligated, being as he was part of a 'family' now.  
  
Georgie walked up cautiously as if not sure if she should sit with the family, but seeing Dillon so downcast it scared her. She met his eyes briefly and before she knew it she was next to him. They did not speak a word but he took her hand and held it and she cried and he gave the impression that he was the strong one.  
  
Behind them were Zander, Alexis, Cameron, and baby Kristina.  
  
Zander was mad. He was angry with God for taking her away from him. He was angry with Nikolas for helping her in her deceit. He was angry with himself for not seeing that she was sick long before she told him. It was easier to be angry-to hate, then to succumb to grief.  
  
Alexis was beside him with baby Kristina in her arms. She gently rocked the baby as her eyes darted from Zander to the coffin. She could only imagine how badly he was hurting but knew just the same how much he had loved Emily. She was afraid for Zander, afraid that he might do something rash. She had tried to set aside her own feelings and watch out for Zander but she had cared for Emily deeply and suddenly her reserve crumbled and the tears began to spill. Cameron took her hand and she dare not look at him and let him see her weakness. With his free hand he took a tissue and wiped her eyes, despite her refusal to even grace him with a glance. He stole away a moment to glance at his son but could not read him as well. He wanted to be there for his son but it had been so long he did not know how, or if it would even help.  
  
Edward and Lila sat behind Alan and Monica. Edward and Lila were huddled together as if they knew some big secret that no one else did. Lila was silently weeping and Edward softly comforted her while trying to stay strong. He tried to conceal his own tears but Lila scolded him gently and he let them fall.  
  
Luke and Lucky came in together, despite the small petty arguments they had been having up until late. Luke had watched Lucky grow up with Emily by his side and knew that his son needed him and put aside his petty grudge. Lucky did what was expected of him, sat silently and attentively as his mind recalled the many memories of Emily. He now knew what Emily must have felt sitting at his own funeral and felt guilty.  
  
Luke patted him on the back and said, "It'll be okay, cowboy."  
  
More than anything Lucky wanted to believe his father.  
  
Sonny and Carly came in just moments before Jason and Courtney. They sat down in the last pew so as not to disturb the family and really close friends. Sonny had thought of Emily as a little sister. Long before he had known Courtney had even existed, he had befriended Jason's one link to family. It was hard for him to be there but it was more for Jason then for anyone. Carly was there for similar reasons. It wasn't that her and Emily were close, because truth be told they most of the time just barely tolerated each other because of Jason. But never once had Carly wished her harm, or death. And even Carly had muttered a silent prayer that Emily would make it through her cancer, but apparently no one had chosen to listen.  
  
Jason strolled down the isle with Courtney and saw his heartbroken family and for once could feel a connection to these people. He saw Monica crying and wanted to comfort her. For once he looked at AJ and understood why he was drinking. He wanted to be close to his family for the first time in a long while. So he dragged Courtney down towards the front and sat right behind Edward and Lila. Courtney had been crying since she had heard the news. Despite having barely known Emily, death was not something she could just passively sit through. She knew that Jason was hurting far worse then her but he showed no sign of it and that scared her.  
  
Bobbie came in with Audrey and they took a seat next to Luke and Lucky. Bobbie hugged Lucky before sitting down and met his eyes only briefly, seeing how much pain he was carrying inside. Audrey had slid into a seat next to Bobbie and searched the pews for any sign of Elizabeth. Audrey had only one image stuck in her mind, that of Elizabeth when she heard the news of Emily's death.  
  
Right before the service was to begin, Nikolas and Elizabeth came in together. They both looked older then they were, tired, and extremely somber. Nikolas' eyes were red but his expression was blank. He refused to show any sign of emotion, feeling as though he had to be strong for Elizabeth. He had practically had to drag her to the ceremony and even now she looked as though she might run out if he was not holding her hand. Her eyes were not red because she refused to cry. She was determined to put up a front just as Nikolas and many others had done, that it was not affecting her.  
  
"It is a tragedy to loose someone so young with so much life yet to live. But God works in mysterious ways and only He knows why young Emily was chosen to leave us. But let us not worry about her, she is with our Lord." The minister spoke to the mourners.  
  
Monica and Alan walked up together. It was Monica who wanted to speak and Alan was tongue-tied and only there to support her.  
  
"Emily lost her mother to the same disease that took her life. I was merely a replacement . . ." She started, sobbing, "But she never treated me as such. She was always so warm and loving, and she is the only reason our family has not fallen completely apart. She was the heart of our family. Thank you all for coming."  
  
Monica and Alan returned to their seats. Many of the other mourners were too frozen with grief to speak, but he rose and made his way down the isle and looked out at all of those before him, all the people whom had loved Emily, just as he had. He stole a glance at Elizabeth but could not read her blank stare, and it scared him.  
  
"I spent most of my childhood moving from place to place, never really settling down anywhere long enough to make a friend. Emily was one of my first friends. We grew up together and I watched her become this beautiful, intelligent, and amazing woman overnight. If not for her, I'm not sure who I would be, or where. And although she is not here in body, I know that she is here in spirit." Lucky offered and stepped down to once again take his seat beside Luke.  
  
No one else really knew what to say so they all remained silent for the remained of the ceremony, save for a few muffled cries. Then the filed out, one by one, each with the same lost expression on their faces.  
  
Monica and Alan stood just outside the doors, shaking hands and hearing the condolences of many whom loved their daughter. Skye had retreated to the side, feeling out of place having never really felt as though she fit in with the family. Ned was beside her, still frozen in disbelief.  
  
Dillon and Georgie were a few feet away, their hands clasped and her head leaning on his shoulder.  
  
Jason did not budge and Courtney could tell that he needed some time, so she left with Carly and Sonny. The couple kindly shook hands with Monica and Alan, putting aside their differences. Courtney, whom had stayed a little ways behind, hugged Monica and nodded apologetically at Alan.  
  
Sonny, Carly, and Courtney went far away from the family, all feeling as though they were intruders. Even Carly remained quiet and seemed remorseful.  
  
Lucky, Elizabeth, Nikolas, Jason and Zander stayed long after most had left.  
  
Zander just kept staring at the coffin without saying a word. The casket was open and Emily looked as though she were just taking a nap, peaceful and serene. Her hair was thinner because of the chemo but it was styled so it looked as full as it use to. Zander wanted no memory of her like this. He only wanted to remember the lively Emily that had stolen his heart.  
  
He leaned close to her and planted a kiss on her lips, delicately.  
  
"I'll always love you. Not a day will go by when I do not think of you. You've taken my heart with you."  
  
He moved aside so others may come up but he was not ready to leave just yet.  
  
Lucky just sat in the pew, unsure what to do. He did not know how to say goodbye to his best friend.  
  
After hearing the news of her death he had dismissed it and gone to the hospital to visit her and tell her about the lunacy that was being spread around. He was greeted with an empty bed.  
  
Then he heard screaming from a hysterical Elizabeth and turned the corner and watched as Nikolas attempted to calm her down. But Elizabeth did not want to calm down and pushed him away. Audrey had never seen Elizabeth like this and stood idly by unsure how to help her. Lucky ran up to try to help but arrived just it time to see a doctor give Elizabeth a shot.  
  
Elizabeth had yelled and screamed at the doctor and then at everyone around her, including himself, Nikolas, Audrey, and Courtney. Then her yells began to be less frequent and though her eyes were still pouring out the tears she comfortably slid into Nikolas' arms and let him hold her until she was asleep.  
  
It was then that Lucky's eyes had met Nikolas' and he saw the pain. But as painful as it was for Nikolas he had not broken down, he had attempted to be strong for Elizabeth.  
  
When Elizabeth was placed in an empty room, Nikolas sat by her side unsure what to do next. Lucky had walked in and offered to stay so that Nikolas could leave, but Nikolas refused.  
  
So both brothers had sat with the sleeping Elizabeth, each silent for what felt like an eternity. Lucky watched Nikolas for a while and suddenly realized why Nikolas felt obligated to stay. The last time Elizabeth had suffered like this must have been when he was presumed dead. At that time Elizabeth only had Nikolas to confide in and Lucky finally understood the parallel.  
  
He realized then that he had never really thanked Nikolas for what he had done. Nikolas turned towards him as if understanding what Lucky had just realized.  
  
Back in the church, Lucky froze as he attempted to go to visit with Emily. He could not see her like that. He went up, avoiding the coffin, and gently laid his hand on Zander's back to show Zander that there was someone else who knew how he felt.  
  
Zander and Lucky left together, silently. 


	2. Pt 2

(Sorry, for some reason it got cut off)  
  
Nikolas and Elizabeth sat together; so close their legs were touching. She had pulled her hand away from his during Lucky's speech and had since then been twisting the necklace she wore nervously.  
  
Nikolas looked at her as if asking permission to leave her side and she would not meet his gaze. He got up and walked toward the coffin and when he caught sight of Emily he let out a breath he did not know he had been holding.  
  
His eyes were instantly drawn to her wedding band. She was married to another man. His heart ached knowing that it was not his ring that adorned her finger. He knew that she knew his feelings. In her last moments he had been there and he had told her.  
  
He had been in the hospital all day. Emily had insisted on leaving and going home, she knew that she did not have much time. He had known that once she left the hospital that Zander would most likely hang around her. This was the last moment he thought he might see her alone so he had asked Elizabeth, whom had been there with him, to go outside for only a moment.  
  
Elizabeth left hesitantly, knowing that Nikolas had much to say but afraid that Emily might not last much longer.  
  
"Only a minute." He had pleaded.  
  
So she left them alone. And he had taken Emily's hand within his own, held it there and noticed just as he would in the church, her ring, and let his tears fall while he told her what she meant to him.  
  
And she had smiled weakly and squeezed his hand and then her grip had loosened, her eyes closed, and the machine at her bedside began to beep.  
  
"No." He had screamed in his head but came out a mere whisper.  
  
"Em . . . no . . . Em . . ." He said in-between his sobs.  
  
He shook her as if it might wake her but she remained as she was.  
  
"No . . . no . . . not now." He pleaded, "Em . . . please, God, Em . . ."  
  
That is when the doctors rushed in and he was pushed aside and eventually pushed outside of the room. It was then he had met eyes with Elizabeth, only briefly, and then both of them watched as the doctors attempted to resuscitate her.  
  
Without knowing it they had clasped hands and watched stolidly with tears streaming.  
  
And then the doctors gave up.  
  
They both heard, "Time of death 12:36."  
  
"No." He whispered.  
  
Elizabeth repeated his whisper in a scream, "NO!"  
  
It was at this point he turned towards her and suddenly remembered that he had asked her to leave the room moments before with a promise that she would see Em in a minute's time. Their eyes met briefly and she pulled her hand from his grasp.  
  
He stole his gaze away from Emily in her coffin and back towards Elizabeth, whom was just as he had left her. He took a risk and turned back towards Emily and leaned over and kissed her on the forehead.  
  
"Forever, Em." He whispered and wiped away a stray tear that had dared to fall.  
  
He walked back up to Elizabeth and finally she let him meet her eyes.  
  
"I'll wait." He offered, knowing that Elizabeth would need to say goodbye and was afraid of what might happen if he left her alone.  
  
"Go." She demanded, her bright blue orbs wet with unshed tears.  
  
Against his better judgment, he walked down the isle and looked back at her from the entryway of the church.  
  
Lucky met him there; "She needs to do it alone."  
  
They walked out and he shook hands with Monica and Alan. Then Nikolas and Lucky watched the closed doors, waiting for Elizabeth.  
  
"When we thought you were gone it took a while for me to convince her to leave. She just sat there, like she is now, and she did not want to go. She was afraid to let go. She was never the same, even when you came back, she never really was Elizabeth again."  
  
Within the church, Jason had watched silently as Zander, Lucky, and Nikolas had said their goodbyes. He had watched Nikolas tiptoe around Elizabeth and how she had remained stolid the entire service. He knew how she was feeling.  
  
He flashed back to the moment in the hospital chapel with her months ago. She had allowed herself to cry then, but why not now?  
  
He had heard about Elizabeth's breakdown at the hospital from Courtney. She had watched the entire thing, having accidentally stumbled upon the scene after a visit with Dr. Meadows.  
  
Courtney had been pushing to convince Jason to have a child. He understood that Courtney was still upset over the loss of their first child and thus felt they needed to have a child with some urgency. He had told her that it was not a good time and she had agreed to it but gone behind his back and visited Dr. Meadows.  
  
He had more important things on his mind, like Emily, but Courtney just tiptoed around the subject. She was civil with Emily when they would visit her but he saw through her fake façade. He knew that she had no desire to be their visiting Emily. Thus the last few times he had gone alone, every visit seeing his sister grow weaker and weaker.  
  
Emily had read his frustration in his eyes and thus got the story out of him. At first he had tried to avoid it but she had insisted and he could never tell her no.  
  
He told her about how Courtney lost the baby and how she wanted to start a family right away. Then he expressed his own fear that he might endanger a child and he was not ready. Despite having told this to Courtney, his new wife was still insistent that they start a family quickly.  
  
And of course Emily knew there was more to the story then Jason was letting on.  
  
"You're holding something back." She had offered weakly.  
  
Hesitantly he began, filling in Emily on the day in the chapel when Courtney had seen him with Elizabeth. He knew that part of her desire to start a family was due to her jealously of his friendship with Elizabeth. He knew that Courtney was afraid that he might run off with Elizabeth just because he had allowed himself to comfort her in the chapel.  
  
"Does Courtney have anything to worry about?" Emily had asked, in typical Emily fashion. She did not go outright and say what she was thinking but merely hinted at it.  
  
"I still care about Elizabeth, and that will never change. But I'm with Courtney. We are married."  
  
Emily had said nothing and just nodded and he knew that Emily did not believe him.  
  
After the visit he had ran into, of all people, Elizabeth.  
  
"Hey." She offered, surprised.  
  
"Hey." He responded.  
  
"Are you here to visit Emily? Because if you are, Nikolas is here and is heading in that direction. You might want to avoid him given that the two of you do not get along."  
  
He smiled slightly, "Actually, we've come to an understanding."  
  
She almost smiled, "Understanding?"  
  
"I know he cares about Em and that she cares about him. If he makes her happy then who am I to stand in the way."  
  
His response made her recall the many times he had told her something similar in regards to Lucky and a few instances with Zander. But she pushed those memories to the back of her mind.  
  
"I want to thank you again for that night in the chapel. It meant a lot to me to have you there." She offered.  
  
"Anytime." He replied and they parted.  
  
Back in the church, Jason watched Elizabeth stare at the coffin but not move at all from her seat. He took a leap and got up and walked over to her. She turned and their eyes met and she moved slightly down the pew to give him room to sit. He sat and they both stared at the coffin together for a while. During that time her hand slid into his and his hand swallowed hers.  
  
He took a chance and stole a glance at her and finally saw her tears. She felt him watching her and she turned towards him. With his other hand he brushed the tears away.  
  
Elizabeth started talking in a weak voice, "The last time I talked to her alone she told me that you had mentioned to her that night in the chapel. We talked for a while and she told me that you never know how much time you have and you need to tell those you love that you love them everyday because you never know, you just might not wake up one morning . . ."  
  
She paused, "I use to think like that after I thought I had lost Lucky. You made me see that life does not have to be like that. You made me see that I still had my memories of Lucky and that I was privileged to have had that short time with him. But the greatest gift you gave me was the ability to feel happy without feeling guilty."  
  
He listened and for a brief instance they were just as they had been before.  
  
She continued, "Emily reminded me that the happiest I've ever been is when I was with you. You made me so happy Jason. You are the reason that I did not just crawl under a rock after the fire. . ."  
  
"You did that by yourself, you did not need me." He offered, sounding sincere.  
  
She smiled slightly, typical Jason, she thought.  
  
"I know not to look at the world the way Emily did in her last moments. But I know that one thing she said is true, that you should tell those you love that you love them every day . . . and I know that you're with Courtney, but I never told you that I love you, and I just want to make sure that you knew."  
  
He was awestruck, "I've always known."  
  
He looked down and saw that his hand was still clasped with hers and he gave it a squeeze. He looked up to meet her eyes again and immediately realized that the entire time she had been talking she had been crying. Her large blue orbs now had black mascara trails underneath them.  
  
She suddenly realized how intently he was staring at her face and immediately assumed it was messy from her tears.  
  
"I'm a mess, aren't I?" She offered.  
  
She pulled her hand away from his and started searching in her purse for her compact. She pulled out some of the tissues she had brought and he took one. He then took his hand and cupped her cheek with his hand and turned her towards him. Her eyes seemed startled at first but he continued anyway. He took the tissue and wiped the trails off.  
  
Their eyes met and they both flashed back to a similar situation in his apartment above Jake's.  
  
Elizabeth took the tissue from his free hand and attempted to put it in her purse. She forgot all about it and dropped the tissue entirely when he took his newly free hand, put it on the back of her neck, and pulled her towards him and kissed her.  
  
It was at this moment outside that Carly shuddered for no apparent reason.  
  
"Are you okay?" Sonny asked, worried.  
  
"Yeah . . . I just had this chill go down my spine. It's probably nothing." She offered, but was still slightly shaken.  
  
It was then that Courtney overheard Lucky offer, "She's been in there a while."  
  
"Oh, no." Courtney said, out loud.  
  
"What's wrong?" Carly asked, worried, assuming her shudder had been due to whatever was worrying Courtney.  
  
"Jason and Elizabeth are alone in the church."  
  
Sonny rolled his eyes, "You two . . . Courtney, you've been spending too much time with Carly. Nothing is going to happen between Jason and Elizabeth. They are friends. Both of them were close to Emily. Let them be alone."  
  
Carly offered her two cents, "Jason married you, Courtney. Ms. Muffin-face is out of the picture."  
  
Courtney tried to tell herself that Carly was right, that Jason would never betray her. But she was instantly reminded of the moment she had witnessed in the hospital chapel.  
  
"I think I'll just check."  
  
Elizabeth pulled away from the kiss first.  
  
"I don't feel right, doing this here . . . and you're married." She offered.  
  
He knew she was right. They were both grieving Emily and neither was in the right mind frame to make rational decisions. And he was married, to Courtney. But at the same time he could not help but relish in the feeling of being close to Elizabeth again, and their kiss.  
  
Courtney opened the door and saw them sitting on the pew together. She did not want to jump to hasty conclusions but she was upset to see them together. Why couldn't Jason lean on her for support? Why Elizabeth?  
  
She knew she was just being jealous, and that Jason was hers and she had no reason to worry because he would never been unfaithful. But something about their body language with one another said something entirely different. She was about to storm down the isle when Sonny came up behind her.  
  
"See, they are just helping one another grieve. Emily was important to both of them. Carly is just putting ideas in your head."  
  
"You're right." She offered, reluctantly, and shut the doors once again.  
  
"I should go." Elizabeth said, feeling uncomfortable as she rose from her seat.  
  
"Don't leave. I'll go. I'm sorry." He offered, getting up.  
  
Her eyes met his, "Don't apologize, Jason. I'm not sorry that you kissed me."  
  
"They why are you running away?"  
  
Their eyes were locked and she had never been able to lie to him, "I'm afraid that if I stay then it will happen again and I will not have the strength to tear myself away. I'm afraid of letting myself fall for you again, knowing full well that we cannot be together. I cannot do that again. It hurt so much to walk away from you."  
  
"I never meant to hurt you, Elizabeth." He offered, sincerely, "I never want you to hurt because of me."  
  
"Then I need to go . . . or you need to go . . ." She started.  
  
"I'll go." He offered and turned to walk away.  
  
He was halfway to the door of the church when he turned back towards her, "Elizabeth."  
  
She turned, her eyes wet from tears she had held so he would not see.  
  
"I told you once that there were no words for what I fell for you. Well, I just thought of some."  
  
She looked at him, surprised. She was sure that she was the only one that had remembered the words he had told her.  
  
"I love you." He offered.  
  
She froze.  
  
It was then that Nikolas and Lucky opened the door to the church. Both Jason and Elizabeth turned as Nikolas noisily shut the door.  
  
"Are you okay, Elizabeth?" Nikolas asked, worried, but his eyes were drawn to Jason Morgan.  
  
"I think you need to go." Lucky offered to Jason.  
  
She came out from the pew and walked slowly past Jason, "He does not have to go. I'll go."  
  
The two brothers escorted Elizabeth out of the church, much to the relief of Courtney.  
  
Courtney bolted for the doors once Elizabeth was outside. She met up with Jason a quarter way down the isle.  
  
"Wow, being in this church, doesn't it remind you of our wedding." She offered.  
  
He was disgusted that she dared to act jealous and bring up their wedding on the day of his sister's funeral, in the church with her body no less.  
  
"I want a divorce." He said simply, honestly.  
  
She froze, "What?"  
  
"You heard me." He said and walked right past her out into the courtyard right beyond the church doors.  
  
Some of the guests had already left. Most of the family was gone. Monica and Alan had remained to see their son and thank him for coming. He gave Monica a hug and accepted a pat on the back from Alan.  
  
When Courtney had ran into the church, Sonny and Carly had decided to give them some time alone and so they left for the penthouse.  
  
Nikolas had wanted to visit Stephan's grave and a guilty Lucky was easily coerced into coming along. Nikolas suggested that Elizabeth accompany them but she said that she'd rather be alone with her thoughts, which was essentially the truth.  
  
When Jason was done with Alan and Monica they departed and that left Jason and Elizabeth alone in the courtyard. As he approached her wearily, Courtney emerged from the church.  
  
"I knew it. I knew I couldn't trust you with her!" She screamed at Jason.  
  
Then she focused her attention on Elizabeth, "You annoying little bi---"  
  
Jason shot her a look that would freeze the fires of hell. She stopped in mid-sentence. Courtney huffed off leaving them alone in the courtyard.  
  
Jason turned to an obviously confused but delighted Elizabeth.  
  
Jason offered an explanation, "I realized today that I had been lying to myself. I was finally honest with Courtney and she did not take it well."  
  
Elizabeth was stunned, to say the least, "Jason . . ."  
  
He walked closer to her and she remained started speechless.  
  
"I've been wanting to ask you for a while, do you want to go for a ride?"  
  
She did not have to answer, her smile said it all. He wrapped and arm around her waist and guided her out of the courtyard.  
  
Looking down on her brother and her best friend, Emily smiled and sighed, "Finally!"  
  
~The End~ 


End file.
